


Once

by Solianne



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, KakuSaku Valentine's Week, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3468914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solianne/pseuds/Solianne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seeing an old love can be bittersweet and seeing that old love with your new love, well, that can be an interesting experience. Still, it doesn't have to be a bad one. Originally written for the Valentine's Week prompt challenge on Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once

“Who is she?” Kakashi hadn’t even noticed that Sakura had come closer at though her voice is soft, almost a whisper, he can’t help but jump at the sound of it, blinking at her as she stares back at him expectantly. For a moment he can only stare back, until her words register in her mind and his eye wanders back to the woman he had been looking at when Sakura approached.

“She…” he pauses, unsure how to put it without sounding coarse and without putting Sakura off. A part of him wants to say she is no one, which is true, more or less, as they have nothing to do with one another anymore. However it doesn’t feel quite fair to her to brush her off like that, even if what they had was fleeting and meant more to her than it did to him, she’s still a person.

He knows Sakura is watching him, but she doesn’t pressure him to answer and from the corner of his eye, he can see that she’s looking at the woman as well. She’s taller than Sakura and while she wasn’t tall enough to look directly into his eyes, she had an easier time of it than Sakura had, which also meant she had an easier time accessing his lips (masked though they were) without having to stand on her tippy toes like Sakura does. However where Sakura is strong, fit and unyielding when she has to, or needs to, be, she’s curvy and soft and while she might be taller, overpowering her was never much of an issue.

Where Sakura’s hair is pink, eye-catching and short, hers reaches her waist and while the soft brown color is beautiful, it doesn’t catch the eye the same way that pink does. Though he can only view her profile, he knows she has beautiful wine red eyes, but compared to the sparkling emeralds that Sakura’s can turn into, their beauty pales. He knows her smiles, her laugh and her movements well enough and while they’re charming enough, it doesn’t coax the same response out of him that Sakura’s laugh does, that makes him laugh along with her or her smile that brightens up his day considerably. But then, that isn’t her fault. She never had a chance to do any of those things, he never let her, and for a moment, he wonders if she is happy now, if she’s found someone that she  _can_  do those things for, but he shakes it off as Sakura gently touches his bicep with her hand to shake him out of his reverie. 

“Kakashi?” she speaks softly and the uncertainty in her voice draws his eyes to her, watching her as she looks at him uncertainly before glancing over at the woman. He can see the question clearly in her eyes: did he love her?

“She’s…” he reaches a hand out to touch her hair, feeling the softness of her hair pass through his fingers before he remembers he was about to say something. “She’s a civilian,” he says at last, giving her an earnest smile.

“And it was a long time ago,” he says after a moment and he knows he hasn’t answered the question that she really wants to know, he can see it in her eyes but she waits and while she tries to hide it he can see fear flicker in her eyes for a second before it disappears. She’s worried, she’s worried about what the woman meant, no,  _means_ , to him and he gives her a reassuring smile.

“She loved me,” he says at last, his smile turning sad, “but she didn’t know me,” he pauses and glances over at the woman, “and I broke her heart,” he says at last, his eyes meeting hers.

“Oh,” Sakura says softly, her eyes softening too as she glances over at the woman contemplatively, “so…” she draws it out, seeming hesitant and thoughtful all at once, “you were lovers?”

“In a sense,” he pulls her closer to him so that he can wrap his arm around her shoulder, watching her eyes flicker in confusion at his answer. “It meant more to her than it did to me,” he explains, sighing softly, “ _I_  meant more to her than she did to me,” he knows his eyes are regretful as he looks into hers.

“You hurt her,” she says softly, yet it carries to accusations, merely a simple statement of fact.

“Yes,” he says, sighing deeply, “I couldn’t give her what she needed,” he closes his eyes briefly as he looks down at her, “what I give you,” he clarifies softly, “and in the end, I suppose you can say I used her,” he glances over at the woman again, watching her as she tends to her customers.

“It’s different with civilians,” he says after a moment, his eyes meeting Sakura’s again, “it’s harder in some ways, because they don’t understand,” he pauses, “they  _can’t_  understand, and you can’t help them to either,” he shakes his head slightly.

“It can be great,” he smiles briefly as his hand plays with her hair again, “like your parents,” he likes the smile that appears on her lips at the mention, “but sometimes…” he stops, unsure where to go next.

“Sometimes it’s not meant to be?” she ventures softly and he nods his head.

“Yeah,” he pauses for a moment, remembering the stories that his fellow shinobi have told him and others over the years, “but sometimes,” he kisses the top of her head and feels her arms wrap around his middle. “There’s a sense of serenity that comes with being with someone who doesn’t understand, a chance to be someone else,” he presses her closer to him and gives her a warm smile, “though it doesn’t measure up to having someone who loves you for all that you are, sometimes it’s the best thing you can get at the moment.”

“That’s why shinobi seek them out from time to time,” he murmurs as he rest his head on top of hers, “yet it seldom ends very well,” he sighs softly, “and in the end we hurt them, despite the fact that our very job is to keep them and the village safe,” he sighs softly.

“You regret it?” she whispers it softly, but he hears her well enough.

“I regret hurting her,” he says after a long pause, glancing towards the woman again, “that’s what I remember whenever I see her,” he pauses as he thinks for a moment, “but at the same time, meeting her, hurting her… It all led me to where I am now,” he smiles slightly, “to you.”

Sakura stays quiet, but he feels her nuzzle closer to him and wraps his arms around her as she moves from his side to his front to embrace him properly. After a moment, she pulls back and looks up at him, her smile warm and her eyes tender.

“I hope she is well,” she says at last, “I hope she will find happiness,” she turns her head and looks at the woman, “I hope she finds love too.”

As she leans her head on his chest again, he rests his on top of hers once more and feels himself smiling. “I hope so too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Seeing an old lover/flame again can be bittersweet and it can be strange when you're with your new love when it happens. Still, it doesn't have to become wholly bitter despite that. As for the woman, she's not anyone specific, though I do kind of want to do a drabble from her point of view as far as loving a shinobi goes. 
> 
> I've had the idea of writing about (even if it was something that happened in the past, as it was here) a romance between a shinobi and a civilian and I always thought it was going to be either Raidou or Genma that I'd do it for. Apparently Kakashi got there first though, heh. 
> 
> This was originally written for the KakuSaku Valentine's Week prompt "Old Flame" over on Tumblr and then cross-posted to Ao3 and FF.net some time later.


End file.
